Monday, November 29, 2010

In a New York minute....

We went to New York for Thanksgiving weekend!!!!
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I love New York i love the fast pace, i love being surrounded by tall building, and i love the shopping. Every nook and cranny has a little shop filled with little treasures, and i wish i could spend a month just exploring those treasures.
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I'm not sure how i ended up here in Baltimore especially since I'm such a NY gal, if i could i would move there in a New York minute. My husband on the other hand has a differing opinion.
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He is actually from New York and we often go to visit his family. I noticed New Yorkers either love love love New York, or they cant wait to leave, my husband is of the second group. Oh well, New York, here i don't come.
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When i was in NY this trip i learned a hard fact of life. I learned that not every human being is going to accept my Rozie. That even people we love, even family may not ever truly see past her diagnosis. She will always be to them a Down syndrome child, or worse a Downs baby, and never a sweet wonderful baby girl who also has Down syndrome.
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She will always be a diagnosis first for them. Could you imagine? "Diagnosis code 672543 excessive tantrums, boy, child" What if this was your child a diagnosis before they were a child. How do i accept this? How do accept when all my advocacy has fallen through the cracks, when my words are not heard, when her sweet face does not encourage acceptance. How do i as a mother walk away and accept that they will never accept? How do i let it go? How do i pull back my fangs and claws and just walk a way?
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On our car ride home i cried and cried buckets of hurt tears. I wanted to scream i wanted to yell ( and trust me i did )and it all came out in angry sad tears gushing into pleads of "make them love my baby". But i can't make them love her all i can do is love her more, and fill in those gaps the best i can. All i can do is hold her and stroke her golden hair and whisper into her sweet ears how much we love her and how wonderful she is. It is easy now , because she is still naive, and rejection and hurt are a foreign concept to her, but when she gets older i will teach her acceptance. I will teach her to have pity on other people for their ignorance not anger, i will teach her to advocate for herself, i will teach her confidence and strength. But today all i can do is look into her smiling almond blue eyes and get lost in her, and thank Hashem that i have been chosen to look into these eyes everyday and see not a diagnosis but a beauty beyond words.
I love you my little Rozie from the moon and back a million billion times over!

22 comments :

one_plustwins said...

Sheva, I am so sorry for those that do not, cannot not, will not love and accept our children. But, dear sweet sister, you have it right! Cry if you need to, scream if you must; then, get your self together and LOVE Rozie with every ounce you have so that one day her love will overflow unto those who are inadequate in acceptance. They may never know the simcha Rozie beholds but we do and that will make all the difference in the world--and, indeed, it already has. :)

Miryam said...

I love reading your blog! You show your true feelings that gives us all an inner strength and is so heartwarming!As far as Rozie is concerned she is a doll,and I know she will soon exhibit her own strengths and wonderful qualities that she will get from her mom!

Miriam Leah said...

LOVE the pix!! u are adorable. pple are ignorant and cruel and that's their fault not yours. u know how gorgeous and precious rozie is so try to focus on that not on the words of stupid strangers.

Jennifer Scott said...

I am so sorry. I don't have any great words of wisdom. But she is beautiful. You just keep right on loving her the way you do & she'll never miss out.

chanalesing@blogspot.com said...

Sorry you felt sad on the way home, you coulda come visti my kids would've eaten rozie up!! Funny how kids don't see anything but another cute baby. Children really are closer to the truth than adults...thank you for the honest post, it's important to share your feelings about this; most ppl just don't get it! Most important thing is that your kids feel loved by YOU, just like all the kids in the world...they need mom and dads love the most anyways...

Erin said...

Your words and pictures are beautiful as always. I think that some people can't accept what they don't know and that difference sometimes creates fear. I think there will always be people who will look at my boy as a "Downs child" and be afraid to get to know him as a child. They don't know how much more alike he is then different and it's their loss. Your Rozie is beautiful, I for one would love to know her.

Barbara said...

So sorry to hear your sadness. I do not know you or Rozie in real life but by reading your blog and seeing the most beautiful pictures EVER, I fail to see how people can not or will not accept Rozie as the beautiful little girl that she is. When I look at the pictures I do not see Down Syndrome at all, I see a perfect,precious little girl who puts a smile on my face each and every time. I think you are amazing as well! What you write at the end of this blog about the teachings you will be blessing Rozie with are amazing and wonderful. There is no doubt that she will grow up to be an accepting and wonderful adult, especially with a momma like you.

Anonymous said...

Your daughter is ADORABLE!!! I have a sister with down syndrome and our family wouldn't be the same with out her!!

These pple are ignorant... one day they will learn!

Susanna said...

Sheva, I am so sorry for the terrible hurt. When I see her beautiful dolly face, I wonder how anyone's heart could be so hard. Their world must be very, very small. Maybe Rozie will help make it bigger one day.


(This is the 2nd time I've heard about the obvious prejudice against "imperfect" kids in NYC. Hmmmmmm.)

Sheva said...

thanks guys family doesn't always have to be blood and Rozie sure feels the love from all of you!

Devorah said...

Your daughter is oh so beautiful! She is lucky to have a mother like you who loves her so strongly.

It hurts when your family wont accept her...I've heard that the word love in hebrew is ahava which comes from the hebrew word hav which means to give for the more we give to someone else, the more love we have for them. Perhaps this is why they cannot see past her diagnosis - they may not have had enough interaction with her and haven't had enough opportunities to give to her...which ultimately leads to a deeper and stronger love for her. I know from my own experience that the special needs children I have worked with while I was in high school have a strong place in my heart.

It may take time but if you keep loving her and letting them spend more time with her so they have a chance to give to her, the love and acceptance will come along with that!

Amy said...

Just to add one more...I was avoiding work in my research lab, on facebook, reading your blog, and one of my students (a 25 year-old male with no kids of his own) walked in just as I was scrolling past the close up picture of Rozie in the stroller and you kneeling beside her. He said, "Aw, a baby. She is beautiful. Who are they?" I explained the content of the blog and then he said to me - how hard it must be to be around others who don't see WCP, but how lucky that mommy and that baby are to be blessed with each other. That (WCP) is a shorthand term my students and I use to mean whole, complete, perfect. And, I was glad that you posted and honored to share that moment with him, proud that my "academic mommy" work had been done ;-)

Deanna said...

Wow, this post made me cry. First of all, imagining how much this must have hurt. Second of all, seeing how absolutely beautiful your daughter is.
I loved how you talked about how you will teach your daughter to be accepting of other people's ignorance. Because we can't change the world, we can only change our responses. I love how you worded that.
Anyway, my heart goes out to you. That must have been, and continues to be so, so awful. Has your family done any reading on DS such as Gifts? Our families read that with our prenatal diagnosis and that seemed to help in our situation.

meganlela said...

I just can't even fathom that someone could look at your children and ever treat them poorly! You have 3 of the cutest kids on the planet! In fact, I show your pics off to my coworkers and say "who wants to see cute baby pictures?!" I guess when you have a child with special needs it makes your heart different. I make a point to smile and talk to kids at Ben's school.

Anonymous said...

I just started reading your blog and It's amazing- you're amazing and your photo's are amazing.
I know this sounds shallow - but , what camera do you use? each and every picture is so awesome!
Rozie is adorable and beautiful as well as extremely photogenic!

Nechama said...

http://jacksonville.com/news/metro/2010-11-28/story/kingdom-called-fletcher-high-she-defies-down-label

Thought of you :)

patricia said...

so sad your Thanksgiving was sad like that. Your family is BEAUTIFUL. You are a wonderful, amazing and inspirational mother. Your Dovie, your Rozie, your Mel are treasures. For these will make us stronger.

Cathy said...

Tears in my eyes here. I have every confidence that you will teach Rozie to pity those people who don't see her absolute beauty, both inside and out. She's blessed to have you for a momma!

skiingthroughlife said...

Hello there... I have the same issues in my family, some who live right next door in all 9 months of Grady's life have never visited him. I feel your pain, but when all is said and done, I sleep well at night because I can see the bigger picture and they cannot! Will they ever get it, will they regret it, will they ever wake up... will we see the day?... we can only HOPE...your daughter is beautiful and I adore your photos!

Loved the NY pictures!

The Worst said...

I've been following your blog for a while and just had to comment on this one. That picture of you and Rozie in NY holding your hands up has to be one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Gorgeous mama and baby.

As for family, my own father used to be embarrassed by my son when he was little because he was "different." I know how much that hurts. Years later, I still carry his careless comments around in my head.

Rivki said...

Oy, that must be so difficult. I wish you much hatzlacha in the future. I'm sure you'll do a great job; you express yourself so well!

I love your gloves, btw.

herbwifemama said...

This touched me. I, a random stranger from the internet (who found you through Crafty Crow) sees an adorable girl (love that tongue!) before a diagnosis.

Isaiah 61:3- it's for you, mama.