Today my life changed forever

Today is the day my life changed forever. Today one day after the fast and the saddest day of the Jewish year i gave birth to a little girl that would change me and my family forever. Happy Birthday Nechama Roza today you were born. When Rozie was born i was told immediately within minutes that she had Down syndrome. I remember crying and then telling myself i wasn't allowed to cry anymore once i left the delivery room because i loved this little baby and she is a gift from Hashem no matter the package. When we went to our room after the delivery i immediately unwrapped her from the cocoon they put her in and i had to look at every part of her, i had to see what Down syndrome looked like. I remember holding my breath as i unwrapped the blankets and fearing what would be under there, all i found was perfection.Perfect little toes, fingers, round tiny little belly, beautiful hair, and big blue eyes that looked straight into my soul. I was in love, the Down syndrome title could go blank itself for all i cared, this was not Down syndrome this was perfection.
When Rozie went to the NICU and stayed at the hospital for a week we called her Nechama ( her first name) which means comfort. We thought she looked more like a Nechama than a Roza and we planned to call her this ( when i see her NICU nurses around town they still call her Nechama). When she came home she became Rozie. I think in the hospital and in that deer in the headlights time we were in we all just needed a bit of "comfort". Now it is one year later and i can't believe it. I am a new person i am no longer scared of Down syndrome and what it looks like. I love Down syndrome every bit of it, because it is what makes up my daughter and like any child you love every part of them the hard and easy parts. I wear Down syndrome like a badge of honor that says " Hashem has chosen me to raise such a beautiful Neshama such a pure beautiful soul" i love that badge i wear it everyday with every outfit.
This year has not been easy for our Rozie she has been in the hospital 3 times and has fought for her life after one of her procedures. She is here as a blessing and i plan to enjoy every minute with her. She is my little Nechama and she has made me a more accepting, and understanding parent and taught me what is really important in life. Mazel Tov my tiny one today you are one and you are loved by your Mommy and Tatty, brothers,family, friends , and our community with all our hearts. Happy Birthday sweet girl.

Surviving the fast with kids.......

Tomorrow is Tish B'Av the saddest day of the year. This is the time we commemorate the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash our Holy Temple and mourn its lost. We fast sit on the floor and pretty much feel like garbage for the day.As a mother of small children this fast really hits home big time, because fasting with kids is not enjoyable actually its more torture than anything.
I start stressing about this fast as soon as the 3 weeks hit. Really i am not a good faster, such a bad faster that last year it put me in labor, lol. Every year i lay on the couch counting the minutes and hoping my kids survival instincts kick in and they don't ask too much of me. This year i have a lot of expectations for Rozie. I'm hoping she will learn to crawl, open the fridge, make a bottle, all on her very own. She does like to surprise us with her milestones so I'm hoping for a miracle here.
Beyond my hope i am trying a new fasting approach this year. I am going to try to stay busy all day instead of laying on the couch dwelling. You know the whole mind of matter idea, maybe if i stay busy it won't notice the numbing in my fingers and the dizziness that comes when the dehydration hits.
I have been asking around to see what other moms are doing and I've compiled a list of ideas and my big plan for tomorrow.....
1.CRAFTS!!! This seems to be the most popular fast time filler out there mom's seem to be planning crafts to fill the day, so we will also craft here are some ideas i love. Craetive Jewish mom has lots of ideas but this looks like fun here also this here looks good to me becasue it looks like it might take up a lot of time
2.GET OUT OF THE HOUSE... We plan to go to the library and Home Depot. The library is obvious, air conditioning, toys, and of course books, but Home Depot? For some reason my kids like this place large running length isles, Tatty like tools, and paint chips to day dream about
3. MEET UP WITH OTHER SUFFERING MOMS... I like this idea best ( thanks Chaya) i hope to meet up with other moms at a playground. Its amazing how quickly time goes by when you are with others. I always loose track of time when I'm with the "girls"
4.WATCH DOCUMENTARIES: My husband thought of this one. We don't have a TV here so any kind of TV/computer screen viewing is very exciting for my kids, but i just don't know if i could stomach Uncle Moishe's voice on this day. So my husband suggested something really exciting like a historical biography of Thomas Jefferson, wooo hoooo
i thought maybe a good documentary and the harmful effects of our food consumption on our environment society etc, that's enough to make anyone loose their appetite.
5.SLEEP: This is an easy one, sleep when my kids are sleeping. Not to much to it just good ol sleep.
I wish i had more to offer, but this might work.
Most of all i wish each and every one of you an easy fast and may we all Merit in the coming of Moshiach and never fast again!!!!!

I wish

I wish i was a better blogger... The truth is i probably never will be. I feel like i have so much to say and so little time to say it. I love spending time with my kids, beach hopping, water park frolicking, or going to target to ride the bikes and buy stuff we don't need, but really want. I love doing this stuff and because of this i don't blog as much as i should. Then i get a little note that says please post again and then ill get another and another and i try to ship up in the blogging arena. I don't want to make promises, but I'm trying to be a better blogger.

Something big is coming up in our lives. Rozie is turning one!!!! In our house Birthdays are big events, i like to go all out. Birthdays are a special time you are celebrating when your Neshama became a single Neshama. What an amazing thing that shouldn't be taken lightly, you are dependent on your mother for life and nourishment then you are born and your soul is one beautiful wonderful Neshama .According to Chasidus this is something to celebrate, being part of this world is something to celebrate.Many of you know Rozie is my special little Neshama she was brought into this world one day after Tisha B'av the saddest day in the Jewish calender. The most wonderful little Neshama born to bring light into this world, and boy has she brought light. This little Neshama wanted to be part of our family so much that she fought and fought and surprised doctors and therapist and is with us today to celebrate #1. She has changed our lives for the best, opened our eyes to a world we never knew existed and i can not thank my little Nechama Roza enough for blessing me with her little tiny presence.I can't wait to see what you have in store for us in the coming years.
Get ready Rozie mommy is about to give you a party to remember... More details to come!