In a New York minute....

We went to New York for Thanksgiving weekend!!!!



I love New York i love the fast pace, i love being surrounded by tall building, and i love the shopping. Every nook and cranny has a little shop filled with little treasures, and i wish i could spend a month just exploring those treasures.

I'm not sure how i ended up here in Baltimore especially since I'm such a NY gal, if i could i would move there in a New York minute. My husband on the other hand has a differing opinion.

He is actually from New York and we often go to visit his family. I noticed New Yorkers either love love love New York, or they cant wait to leave, my husband is of the second group. Oh well, New York, here i don't come.


When i was in NY this trip i learned a hard fact of life. I learned that not every human being is going to accept my Rozie. That even people we love, even family may not ever truly see past her diagnosis. She will always be to them a Down syndrome child, or worse a Downs baby, and never a sweet wonderful baby girl who also has Down syndrome.

She will always be a diagnosis first for them. Could you imagine? "Diagnosis code 672543 excessive tantrums, boy, child" What if this was your child a diagnosis before they were a child. How do i accept this? How do accept when all my advocacy has fallen through the cracks, when my words are not heard, when her sweet face does not encourage acceptance. How do i as a mother walk away and accept that they will never accept? How do i let it go? How do i pull back my fangs and claws and just walk a way?

On our car ride home i cried and cried buckets of hurt tears. I wanted to scream i wanted to yell ( and trust me i did )and it all came out in angry sad tears gushing into pleads of "make them love my baby". But i can't make them love her all i can do is love her more, and fill in those gaps the best i can. All i can do is hold her and stroke her golden hair and whisper into her sweet ears how much we love her and how wonderful she is. It is easy now , because she is still naive, and rejection and hurt are a foreign concept to her, but when she gets older i will teach her acceptance. I will teach her to have pity on other people for their ignorance not anger, i will teach her to advocate for herself, i will teach her confidence and strength. But today all i can do is look into her smiling almond blue eyes and get lost in her, and thank Hashem that i have been chosen to look into these eyes everyday and see not a diagnosis but a beauty beyond words.
I love you my little Rozie from the moon and back a million billion times over!

Hole Side Living, Ha Ha!

Part of my new life with a chronic disease is blood work.I am constantly having blood work done. I feel like sometimes my life is appointments, blood work, waiting, results, and relief, not a way to live. I realized the other day that this is it , this is what Hashem want for me right now. I will forever be monitored, and honestly that is ok, because i have life to be monitored, it could be a lot worse. So as i packed up the kids in the van yesterday to have some, yes you guessed it, blood work done, i did a u-turn and decided to have the work done at Quarry Lake.


Let me tell you about Quarry Lake. This is a development that went up in my neighborhood a few years ago, made up over priced homes and a fancy shopping center all centered around a Quarry, also know as a huge hole. My husband and i use to laugh and laugh at the billboards "Beautiful Quarry Lakeside Homes" and we were like more like "hole Side homes" hahahaha.

Then one day we noticed after a few years of huge storms that the Quarry filled and it became this beautiful lake. Look who is laughing now, not us.


What is my point here... My point is that i have decide that if things like blood work are now my life, i'm going to make the best of it.

Im going to do blood work at Quarry lake,and enjoy the view,and gorgeous sunset ( even if it is at 4pm) window shop all the fancy boutiques, and hey give up a few pints while I'm at it. Now that is living.

Oh yes my loves the bracelets are officially in the store now. Here is the link If you are ordering just one bracelet please use this code: JUSTONE for free shipping anything over one bracelet i have to charge shipping on. Thanks guys!

Target in the Shtetl

I live in Baltimore a very tight knit close Jewish village. I rarely leave my village and its 5 mile radius, because everything i need is here. Schools, kosher markets, even my Target looks like a modern day fiddler on the roof scene, i'm often tempted to break out in song. When my Rozie was born my village rallied behind me. I remember watching my best friend coming down the hospital hallway carrying a moses basket filled with gifts on her shoulder like a native village woman. The villagers brought me magazines for my long hospital stay , and homemade soup. When i came home there was a bouquet of balloons on my front door and a mountain of gifts on my dining room table. My community was telling me in their own way "We love you Rozie, no matter how many chromosomes you have", but as time went on and medical issues started to arise i needed more than my community could offer. I joined an online forum at Baby Center here. I figured i could be raw and honest there due to anonymity and they would offer support and ideas. Little did i know that because of this group i made it through many medical scares and learned to cry on online shoulders. My anonymity helped me be more open about my feelings, but soon i became more open about who i was and the anonymity was lifted. I stared forming friendship with women that i never met and bared my soul to them. They stared learning about my holidays and traditions so they could be closer to me, and i about theirs. One of my online best friend's son recently had some medical issues, putting in the hospital, and i swear if that child would of spent one more day in that hospital i would have been on the soonest flight out. I recently came across this post from one of my online friends in her blog the thebartolonefamily i was so moved by this post that i asked to share with all of you. I hope you enjoy it as much as i did, and hopefully i can convince her to send me a "GG Lovey" t-shirt for my Rozie...

the bartolone family


the buddy walk

November 15, 2010

In this journey of life we all long for community. We long for that sense of oneness and familiarity. We tend to look for people that are on the same walk of life that we are. For the most part we like to feel that we are “keeping up with the Joneses”. Stay-at-home moms look for other stay-at-home moms. Sports enthusiasts look for fellow sports enthusiasts. Musicians seek out other musicians. We have an innate desire to feel “normal”, like we fit in with a group of people. Why? I guess it’s because when we have something in common with someone else we can freely talk, laugh, cry and enjoy each other. We have found someone who “gets it”.


Having a child with Down syndrome completely throws you way out of the realm of familiarity. I knew not one person with Down syndrome the day that Gabriella was born. That day, my mind frantically raced through all of my acquaintances, hoping to find even one person that had a child with any sort of disability. I had no bearings, no compass to direct me. “Where are all the people out there with Down syndrome?”, I thought. Of course, I had passed a group of people with Down syndrome at the fair or in Disneyland. I may have even had a girl or boy with Down syndrome help me with my groceries at one time or another, but someone that was a part of my life, even in a distant way... I didn’t know a single one.


To say that I felt all alone was a complete understatement. Who could I even begin to talk to? Who would understand? Who wouldn’t feel pity for me? Who would have the words to make me feel better? Who could say to me, “Been there, done that.”?


Sometime in that first few weeks after Gabriella arrived- it’s all a big blur really- I received a phone call from the Down Syndrome Association of Los Angeles. *Exhale* There they were, calling to rescue me from my black hole, to tell me that I wasn’t alone. Shortly after that phone call this organization got me connected with a few moms that had littles ones like my sweet GG. Those mom’s became my lifeline the first few months. They were able to give me advice, cry with me, laugh with me, listen to my fears and say that they had been there too. *Exhale again* Just knowing that you are not alone, that someone else understands it all, makes it easier to bear.


Yesterday my family participated in the Down Syndrome Association of Los Angeles’ Buddy Walk. To be completely honest, I am speechless. Not only did it help to raise awareness for individuals with Down syndrome and raise funds to keep this organizations doors open so that they can continue to be a support for others, but it helped families like mine feel the amazing bond of a community. A group of people that “get it”. We were all there together, walking for the same reason... We all love someone with Down syndrome. It was such an overwhelming feeling. To be able to look into another mothers eyes and without even one word know that they fully understand your emotions, your fears, your hopes, your joys, your pain. They know your innermost thoughts because they have had them themselves. Having a child with Down syndrome connects you on such a deep level, words aren’t really neccessary.


At the end of the day the only thing that really matters is being there for one another. Having relationships with each other. Taking the time out of our busy lives to actually care about someone else. So I want to say, “THANK YOU!” to all of you that came out and walked with us, from the bottom of my little heart. I can’t begin to tell you what your support, love and encouragement means to me and my family. I also want to say, “THANK YOU!” to everyone that supported us by donating to our team. I am in awe of your generosity and love. We have been able to raise $2500.00 and more is coming in! If you haven’t already, you can still donate to the DSALA through our team at this link-


http://buddywalk.kintera.org/dsala/ggloveyandme







Please check out the original post for more pics here

Tracht Gut Vet Zein Gut

WHEWWWWWW I had one of those days yesterday, the kind of day im sure each and one of you have had. The kind of day when your head finally hits the pillow ,you wonder....did i really survive that day? Everything went wrong, everything. Dovie had off from school and i planned a fun filled day of zoo visiting a lunch at the park, and none of it happened. Dovie refused to get dressed, out right refused.


I think the lack of schedule in the day really threw him off. Rozie,well everything was bugging her, mostly when her brother would sit on her, for some reason she doesn't like that. Rozie therapist showed up right in the middle of a huge diaper leak that only could be solved by an immediate immersion in the tub. I had a million Little Rozie orders to fill and a million packages to send out AHHHHHHHHH. I finally gave up on the day and threw the kids in anything that resembled warmth and shoved them out the door.I couldn't even find socks that matched, i think the purple sock belongs to my teenage son.

I let Dovie play with huge dangerous sticks ( what is with boys and sticks?)

and i fed Rozie large quantities of Aleph-Beis cookies chop full of white floor and sugar.

We sat on the front stoop like this just waiting for Tatty to come home and when he did. I looked at him and said" You kids, me in the bath, door will be locked" and i was out of there.Some days in my little shtub are just like this and that is living life. Good days, and not such great days, exciting days, and never get out of your PJs kind of days, but in the end even on these kind of days you look at your sleeping little faces and think ahhhh my life is good, because when you "Tracht Gut Vet Zein Gut" then things are good, really good. With that said i have news...
THE BRACELETS ARE HERE!!!!!!

They came, they finally came. If you are a new reader than read here to understand why i am re-instituting this amazing campaign. Many of you have requested bracelets and they will be up for sale in my shop. Please click the link here to purchase one.If the link doesn't work right away give it a few days.It is erev Shabbos people. Good Shabbos !!!

Perfect life

Yesterday I received an email from Chanale saying that she reads my blog. Yes you read that right CHANALE!!! Rozie and i are the biggest Chanale fans we dance and dance to her music all the time, and if you are not a Jewish music listener, or you are and don't know who she is then go here and here to check her out. I was so excited to get her email, I'm a fan of a fan. Thanks Chanale for your emails and sweet notes. But some days there can be other emails, too. In my blog i put myself out there i know i do. I try to keep things open and raw i express myself freely as possible, so i know that can bring the negative. I was mocked recently and was accused of creating a "perfect life" on this blog. I know i do not need to respond to such a email but i thought i would put it out there, why not it is my blog and i can respond when i want even if i under punctuate and often embrace run-on sentences.

I do not live a perfect life, everyone knows that. Laundry piles up here in my shtub like it is declaring war on us.The mess that 3 kids can make is overwhelming, dinners are crazy around here, and doctor appointments are way to frequent.Since my medical diagnosis in August i have taken on a new approach to parenting and honestly to life. I have stopped sweating, stressing, and fretting over small thing. I am trying to live a life where i sit back and just enjoy. I enjoy my family, my husband, and my life.Honestly im over the stress, over having a perfectly clean house, over feeling disappointed that things aren't always perfect, but mostly im over battling the wits with my kids.Life is short for all of us and we all have a scheduled amount of time on this earth and i plan to live mine to the very fullest. Not because i fear from my prognosis, to quote my doctor " you will live to see your grand kids getting married" but because my diagnosis gave me the kick in my tush i needed to make some life alterations.Since i stopped fretting the small things our house has started to feel a little bit like a fairy tail. My husband and i get along better than ever, and my kids are just plain happy.

I think about all these parenting classes people take and spend money on and i am willing to offer all of you a free parenting class right now.....


Give your kids pure unconditional love, hug them and kiss them about 400 times a day ( maybe more), speak to them nicely, get on the floor and play with then ( who cares if dinner is late),spend true honest quality time with them, listen to their stories and comment on them ( no matter how gross they are), and when things feel like they are getting crazy just try to laugh.

Trust me do these things and it will show through your kids.So yeah,here in my shtub things have been feeling a little bit perfect and you know that's perfect enough for me.

Rabbi Levi Deitsch OBM

My blog is my diary, my journal, and sometimes my punching bag. Everyone has their therapy, this is mine. I have to vent something here, and i don't have the words. I have to say something , because it wouldn't be right to stay quiet, but what to say? One of my husbands closets friend, and a friend to our family passed away. My husband did not grow up or go to yeshiva with Levi,and actually only knew him for about 6 years. He met him in our transfer to Baltimore. My husband was already frum and Lubavitch and was not in need of a life alteration, he really just needed a friend in this new town . My husband, a quiet man by nature does not make friends quickly or easily, but instantly bonded with Levi and soon they became close. They spent time together, they were friends. Levi spoke at our oldest son's Bar Mitzvah and read the Rebbe's Letter.


He rejoiced in our simcha when our second son was born, and traveled through horrible early morning traffic to make it to the Bris.




Rabbi Levi ran a beautiful Chabad house in Tysons corner along with his amazing and wonderful wife. They have 4 beautiful children. This tragedy is so close to home that i'm scared to step outside. I wish i had empowering and inspiring words here but all i can say is we will miss you Levi from the bottom of our hearts. We will be thinking of you and your family all the time, and if you hear someone screaming "Why" out her window in the middle of the night , that would be me. I don't understand Hashem sometimes and i know it is foolish of me to try, but Hashem....Why???? Ad Mosai

This is a pic from his Levaya( funeral) today.I took this picture from CoLLive, i hope they don't mind. I just wanted everyone to see how much this man was loved.

Frantic Fridays

Ok here is another Frantic Friday wordless post. Have a GREAT SHABBOS Everyone!!!