Sunday, May 15, 2011

Round Two..Ding Ding

Normalcy has begun again in my home. Im starting to feel like myself. I cooked, cleaned and went shopping with both little ones in tow. I went to a few of Dovie's baseball games and stayed up past 9pm. Life was really feeling good, almost as if this was all a bad dream.
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I have treatment again this Tuesday and ill be back at square one.
The strange thing is, as scary as this all is,i feel a sense of calm this time. Maybe its knowing what to expect. I know im going to feel like garbage. I know walking up the steps are going to be hard for me. I know everything i eat will taste like soap.I know my energy will be limited. None of this will be a surprise and that calms me some.
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I'm also prepared and i put together a little portable craft kit to occupy me through three long days of sitting while they are pumping toxic chemicals into my innocent veins. I even planned to photograph and document my experience, but i dropped my very best lens and the stock lens just won't do anymore, i've become a camera brat, and payday isn't for a few more weeks.
I thought before we start round two i would answer questions that many of you have asked me....
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1. Am i going to lose my hair? ( this is my most common question)
The answer is i don't know. The doctor said i may have some thinning or loss and i may not, so far i haven't lost a hair. But here is a tidbit a lot of you know and many of you dont know.....
I already wear a wig. Yup all the pics you see of me are a wig.
Religious Jewish women cover there hair when they are married. We wear scarfs, hats, snoods, and wigs,i choose to wear a wig. So even if i lost my hair i would look exactly the same to all of you. Isn't that awesome.
2. Will this treatment cycle cure me?
Unfortunately not. The type of leukemia i have (CLL) is considered a chronic disease and chemo can put the disease in remission, but only a Stem Cell Transplant or a Bone Marrow Transplant can cure me. And yes we are expecting some sort of transplant in my near future, but honestly right now i cant even think about that it is so overwhelming.
3. Everyone wants to know what they can do for us and if we need anything?
We need a lot....
We are figuring out a new life where mommy cant do much, and Tatty still has to go to work to pay the bills. If you live local i have a friend who is organizing my life for me email and ill give you her number. To everyone else including locals i need your positive feeling, prayers, and attitudes. Nothing is worse than pitty so please dont give it to me im not interested, but your positive energy i'll take. All your emails, cards, letters, flowers, gifts, balloons, and even bouncy balls, are what got me through my hard days. I love happy fun things, i need colorful things around me it brings me joy, but sadness and pitty are usually left out back.
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In this life we are all given challenges some more than others. I refuse to be a slave to my challenges. I refuse to look gloom and feel sorry for myself. I refuse to kvetch about every pain im having. I refuse to allow this horrible disease take me away from me. I will put on my sheitel ( wig) and walk those steps Tuesday morning in my Shabbos best, because that is me.


18 comments :

Melissa said...

Yay for a blog post. :) I normally don't do a lot of posting but I just wanted to say that I am glad that you are feeling better and I hope that the next treatment doesn't knock you down too much. I found your blog through the baby center Down syndrome board. My baby girl has Down syndrome. I also have two boys although mine are 5 and 3. I'm not very religious at all but I love reading your posts about your faith. My grandmother is in stage four of her CLL. It hasn't been very kind to her but she is also 81. Take care I look forward to more posts and more gorgeous pics of you family.

Meag said...

Best of luck with your treatments! What do you do for crafting? I'm a knitter and I find it very relaxing.

Devorah said...

Love those pictures!

Sending lots of positive thoughts your way and know that you are in my prayers!!

one_plustwins said...

Have I told you how much I love you???? YOU ROCK! I love your attitude, I love your beauty, I love your heart, I love your calm, I love your faith, I love your honesty.

I so wish you were just a few miles away...sadly, you aren't. BUT I promise to keep lifting you up and praying too!!

Devora said...

So happy to hear from you, Sheva! and love seeing your gorgeous children - they brighten up my screen when I see them!
The best of luck on Tuesday, will be davening for you! Your positive attitude is contagious, hope it banishes away the cancer once and for all!

patricia said...

prayers are with you -- strength & endurance especially Tuesday and onward.

Your pal organizing the help, has she seen this? Great tool http://www.carecalendar.org/
designed to help folks organize helping others.

xxoo

Mommzy said...

you are awesome! a true inspiration~ we are praying for you and sending loads of positive thoughts and energy your way...

EN said...

God bless you and your beautiful family!

Mary said...

Great to hear from you! I love your awesome attitude! You are so right about surrounding yourself with positive, happy things - it makes a huge difference.

That's a great idea about bringing your craft kit - I imagine it gets boring, being attached to an IV so the crafts sound like a fantastic idea to provide fun and distraction.

Lovely pictures, as always!

Anonymous said...

Elisheva, you don't know me but I feel as though I know you. You see, Charles' late mother became one of my closest friends when I moved to Riverdale. My son and Charles spent many a day romping on the floor together, even getting stuck together on the monorail in the Bronx Zoo. Luckily both Pam and I spoke French and were able to convince the kids that the wait, high above the Bronx River, was all part of the trip! And coincidences of coincidences I recognized your last name on Facebook as a friend of my cousin Ary's wife. So, I'm following your progress and want you to know you remind me of Pam - her zest for life, her tenacity in the face of adversity, but most of all, her love for children. She's smiling down on you all -- especially that beautiful little girl of yours. Your spirit is something to be admired and I hope one day we'll get to meet. Good luck on your next treatment - you'll sail through it..
much love, Adele (and Hi to Charles!)

Carolina said...

I just wanted to say you look amazing and I love you positive mind!! That and the love of your family will get you trought those hard days. I still have you in my daily prayers and thoughts.

Adina said...

Thinking about you a lot lately. I was at a down syndrome conference and the mom speaking, her daughter is finishing treatment for leukemia. They were in the hospital since October and should be finally going home this week. I am glad to hear you are able to be home in between the rounds of chemo so you can bond more with your children and have some normalacy. Really miss seeing all of your posts and pretty Rozie pics. Praying for you in AZ.

Rebecca said...

You don't know me, but I've written comments you you before. You have a wonderful attitude going into round 2 of chemo. My dad just finished with his chemo, and he is in remission. They told him a stem cell transplant is his best odds of a full recovery. Whatever route you go, we all care about you.
Your kids are gorgeous ka'h. The pictures of Rozie make me smile :)

Anonymous said...

Love love this post (and all the others too)! I check for them on a daily basis and smile when I see something new! Feel good, keep strong! - Esti

Tamar said...

You're so awesome, Sheva. Inspiring all of us towards better lives. Hope you have many relaxing and fun days this summer of Little League and pretty dresses.

Rachel said...

Thinking of you and hoping your doind ok!

Eliana and Michael said...

You write such a wonderful blog and fill it with such beautiful & amazing pictures. I hope that even just a fraction of that positive energy that you are sending out to the rest of us can boomerang back to you and help you through this trying time.

Tamar said...

Hoping the treatment did not sock you a big one and that you're putting on plenty of lipstick these days!!! Shabbat Shalom and thinking of you...