Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Acceptance of love...Part two

"Is your daughter high functioning"? I just jokingly once want to answer no , just to see the reaction. This funny statement has never been part of my vocabulary until i had Rozie.
When i had my boys i didn't look at them and say please Hashem let them be high functioning. The assumption was just there , but why wasn't the assumption there with my Rozie, why am i always being asked?
When i first had her i was obsessed with this high functioning title, when people would comment that she looks high functioning i would beam with pride. I am one of the lucky ones, i thought, my daughter will be high functioning. It was kind of funny if you think about it. She was this tiny bundle of a newborn looking a little scrunched and usually asleep. People would look over at my sleeping princess and comment on her future functioning ability, and i would smile with my silly pride. I don't know what people or i was thinking , its not like she was taking aptitude tests and holding adult like conversations , she was a little sack of potatoes sleeping like most newborns ( maybe a little more), but at that time i took it where i could get it.
Now that Rozie is older the functioning comment is no longer my source of pride. My pride is in her and that fact that she is my daughter, not in her performance levels. I don't need my daughter to perform at a level that society deems high functioning to feel pride in her. Yet the question is still there. Will she function at a high level? The answer is simple... I don't know.
This is the same for any child, we can not a guarantee that a child will function at a level we find appropriate no matter what their diagnosis is or is not. I have witnessed this personally with my oldest son.
I think the functioning question also is interesting because who makes the rules, and is there a function check list? I think this is not a realistic because so many factors affect what a person may consider to be a high functioning adult. In my community marriage is the top of the list, not necessarily college, but to a high power corporate mom a daughter who doesn't go to college and gets married at twenty probably isn't on her high functioning list. Things like culture, finances, religion, education, and environment, all make a difference to what a community accepts as a proper functioning level.
So what is my point? My point is that to label my daughter is not important to me, because what i may find to be wonderful and the top of the charts may be the bottom for someone else. You can't win and its a lot of wasted energy. Accepting your child and adult for whoever they are and whatever level they perform at is the only winning answer.
When people ask me now "Is Rozie high functioning" my answer is always "yes she is, and no matter what she is able to do,and not able to do, she will always be high functioning"
We love you little Rozie, Dovie, and Mel from the moon and back a million billion trillion times over.
(BTW all these pics were taken at our new favorite place, Gunpowder Falls Beach)


Team Lando said...

I'm pretty sure this post and the last one are two of my favorites. Ever.

eggsinarow said...

I really am flabbergasted by what people deem appropriate to ask. Your daughter is your daughter is your daughter...the end. High functioning or not, she is one of Hashem's children and should be treated as such. And wow is she such a cutie! :)

one_plustwins said...

makes my heart melt and SMILE!!!!

ckbrylliant said...

High Functioning, as if she were an appliance. The cynical side of me says you should say 'no' to those people who ask. 'No, we are going to have to send her back to the parts department'. People ask such things are weak. And I don't mean that in a mean spirit. I mean that they are weak minded. Their brains cannot fathom true love. Love based on acceptance. Love that knows no labels, adjectives, superlatives, categories, or isms. Rozie is. Rozie is your daughter.

Tricia said...

My dad took us there when we were kids. We'll have to head back sometime. I had completely forgotten about it. Great post, so true. I remember a lady at my church said she knew a littly boy, who has a "touch" of Ds. I thought how much I desperately wanted Kamdyn to only have a "touch" too. It's all part of the journey of accepting.

Anna Theurer said...

One of my favorite posts. I once said to someone--"oh why do you ask? So that we can return her?" I was being a smarty pants obviously but it realy caught that person off-guard.

gena said...

It is amazing what people will ask you to your face, isn't it ? My son (20 years old) is a heart transplant recipient, who had a stroke and is now disabled. People ask us the most outlandish questions... like do we know who the donor was, or did we pray for someone to die so he could get a heart or even, when will you walk again ? ! ? Like it's anyone's business !

I so admire you and the love that obviously pours from you into those gorgeous children. I look forward to each and every one of your blog posts - they are written with pure love, hope and faith.
Thank you for sharing your sweet family with us !


Liat said...

Fabulous post. It is so true that one's definition of success depends on so many other factors. This is true for all children!

Deb said...

I love this post. No one has asked me yet if Evan is high functioning and I am quite sure they have yet to tell that he has Down Syndrome. I wonder how I will react when someone finally does ask a question such as that. This post gives me a little perspective!

shevi said...

shevi said I love your two last posts of the acceptance of love YOu are a mom who is full of love and understanding of her children and your gift of love from hashem YOu appreciate your health and everything that hashem bestows upon you even if at times its somewhat challenging Youre an inspiration to us allOur emunah and bitachon are contagious Thank you for sharing yout beautiful family we us

doozee said...

What a lovely post, Sheva! I hear you. I am kind of at a loss when people say stuff about "high functioning"

Cindy said...

Great post, great pictures, thank you! :)

Cindy said...

Great post, great pictures, thank you! :)

Rivki @ Life in the Married Lane said...

Beautiful, just beautiful.

"but to a high power corporate mom a daughter who doesn't go to college and gets married at twenty probably isn't on her high functioning list."

What a great point. Each of our kids have their unique purpose in life, and that's that, isn't it?

That park looks amazing!

CM said...

Your Rozie is gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous!

Jenna said...

My name is Jenna and I came across your site. Your daughter is beautiful and has a pretty smile. She is an inspirational hero. I was born with a rare disease. I love it when people sign my guestbook.