Snow parenting

Am i a good parent? I feel like i am and then something happens, like a snowstorm trapping us all in the house for much too long.


(these pics are from Storyville an awesome children's center in the public library)
This is when true parenting shines through. The day usually starts with high hopes and ends with early bedtimes. This made me wonder am i a good parent only when i can leave the house.

I love to go on family trips for some reason im on my parenting best if i can just get out of the house for a few hours.

What is about staying home all day that brings out the worst in me.I know by the mom traffic alone on facebook that i am not alone in this, status updates asking "how long till bedtime", "how many naps can you force a four year old to take", to plain old "Helpppppppp". So are we nap time parents? Do we wake in the morning and count the minutes until bedtime? I often ponder this on my hard days, i tell myself you wanted this, you davened for this. This is when i try to step back from the situation. I'm not a bad parent and I'm defiantly not a nap time parent , honestly if you could see my little Rozie's face when she wakes up you would probably be counting the minutes till she woke up, like i do everyday.So why are snow days so hard. I think it comes down to basic cabin fever, being told you cant leave makes you want to leave even more, and the people your stuck with are no longer fun but people you are trapped with.

I wanted to make this snow day a day to remember. I want my kids to associate snow days , with warm cozies and steaming cups of hot chocolate ( even though Dovie finds hot chocolate confusing, and would prefer a tall glass of chocolate milk).

Today we built a snowman and did crafts, i gave Rozie a vacuum ride (don't ask), and read them about a thousand books, we watched videos and i sang along. It was a fun day, but trust me these kids were in bed, teeth brushed,at exactly 7pm.

I love you my sweet little snow kinder from the moon and back a million billion trillion times over.

You are beautiful!

I read a lot of blogs. Honestly it can be addicting. There is some much wonderful stuff out there and you could spend a lifetime enjoying everything everyone has to share on this World Wide Web. Every once in awhile something will hit me, something that sets itself apart from the rest. I read this blog often and she is cute with a lot of fun project ideas, but for some reason this campaign hit me, read about it here. The message was so simple and strong "You are beautiful , You are You".

I think in the last 18 months since i gave birth to my beautiful girl this thought process has sort of taken over my life. She is her and she is beautiful, i am me and i am beautiful, he is he and he is beautiful. We are all stars walking onto our own glamorous stage. I feel like i spent so many years dwelling on what i did not find beautiful...I am short, i gain weight easily, my legs are like two tree trunks, my nose hooks like a pirate, my jaw is like a man, the list could go on, but in one simple day i gave birth to a beautiful little girl, who redefines what beauty really is, and my life changed. A light went on, and i realized how beautiful the world really is. Not just what makes my eyes feel good, but true soulful beauty that words can not describe.
I AM beautiful
I AM funny
I AM goofy
I AM glamorous
I AM artistic
I AM loving
I AM a great mom
I AM a wonderful wife
I AM me!!!!!
Why is that so hard? Why is it so easy to say this is what i don't like about me, but it is almost painful to say what i do like, or even figure out what i like. Now it is your turn...Who are you? Why are you beautiful. What makes you you, take the time figure it out, your self will thank you.

Whose steps are they?

Before i start here i just wanted to let everyone know that it is still cold here, really cold, ice/snow storm cold, but on a positive note only 59 days till spring.

I think lately one of the most common questions i hear is "does Rozie walk yet"? I answer simply,no, and then the conversation goes a little something like this: is she cruising ,no, is she trying to take steps, nope, oh is she pulling up, no, is trying to stand, nope, and at this point i usually get the blank face. I always feel bad for the questioner (is that a word?) so i try to cheer them up: don't worry i say, she is doing so much, she can crawl now, we are so excited, and she signs so many words.


Its funny that this is where i am, i am giving support to others when really shouldn't i need the support. There was a time in my life when milestones where important. I didn't need my child to walk at a year but 18 months, i would have liked some steps.

This is a mindset, and i often get asked more than anything from new mothers of special needs children. "How do you accept the difference, how do you sit in a room full of babies the same age as Rozie, who are walking and climbing and running, and she is just sitting there. How does the jealousy and frustration not eat you alive."


Here is my advice.... Let it go, just let it go. We have choices in this world some are hard and complicated and some don't need to be.I love my Rozie without limits, she is my perfect baby no matter what, so I can A: dwell on the progress Rozie is not making, and cry, and turn green with jealously, or B: I can LET IT GO! She will do things when she does them, and that is also OK. Love for a child is not measured in milestones, it shouldn't be measured at all, love is limitless. Jealousy of other children and their accomplishments is putting a limit on your child, and i refuse. I have made the choice to let it go, my little Rozie deserves so much more than a milestone worry, she is better than that.
I choose answer B.

(did you notice her little hand on Dovie's back, i could plotz!)
It is like a thousands of dollars of therapy all wrapped up in a pretty package. Let things go. My Rozie is so wonderful, she has so many strengths that would wow that hardest audience, and she struggles in areas too, like walking, standing, and even allowing her feet to touch the ground. We are working on this , real hard, but this is not taking over my life, Rozie will walk, maybe not today, and most likely not tomorrow, but one day she WILL walk, and I've let it go.
I love you my 3 little kinderlach from the moon and back a million billion trillion times over

Craft land

The weather is staying pretty consistently cold here.I'm dreaming of beach houses. Little shacks with barely enough room to fit us, but we compensate by spending our days on the beach. This is my dream life and i will continue to paint this picture in my mind until it is true. I know i'm crazy with my delusions of grandeur but a girl can dream and dream and hope and hope, and leave the rest to Hashem, but just as a small reminder i am looking for...Year round warmth, water, beach, more water, more beach, and a lot of warm weather, oh and don't forget the beach. Thanks

Cold weather in our neck of the woods equals a lot of indoor time. This is not the way for me, i love fresh air, i love nature walks, i love breakfast on the deck,and there is something to be said for Shabbos on the deck too. I try to fill our indoor time with fun little things, simple crafts anyone can do. Recently we made this little town with menchies( people)included. It was so easy to do that I'm passing my little idea along to you.

1. Old cereal box, cracker box, or any easy to cut cardboard. We used an old diaper box.
2. Scissors
3. Washable paint (you'll thank me later), brush
4. Shoe box lid

I cut these little houses out freehand, but you can draw them on the cardboard first. A house is simple to do, a square with a triangle on top, add a little extra by cutting out the door. The people are a little harder but simple if you draw them first. They are also simple shapes. Circle for the head a plus sign for the body extending the bottom of the plus, and cutting a "V" for the legs. It is important to use cardboard that is easy to cut like a cereal box, a thick mailing box would be really hard to cut and i imagine very frustrating. Now the fun part...paint, make sure to turn your cutouts around so the brown craft side is up. I love using paint with kids its messy but the results are worth it. Markers just do not cover like paint does. I use a shoebox lid as a painting area. It contains the mess by having the small lip around the edge. Have fun and let your kids be creative a house doesn't have to be white it can be stripes in a rainbow of color, and people can become rainbows, too. Enjoy!





After we created this project i was on a theme and i couldnt resist when i made Dovies lunch.

And where was Rozie while we were in craft land? Well in the playroom, of course. She has recently began to crawl and there is no stopping her now, as soon as i put her down she b-lines it for the playroom. She knows right where it is and she can play for hours in there. It is so cute what a little girl she is becoming.


I love you my little crafty kinder from the moon and back a million billion trillion times over!

Step out of your box

The smallest of details are what makes each one of us unique. Our ability to be different and set apart from the crowd is something we all pride ourselves in. May it be a unique hair color, eyes the shade of ocean blue in a family of brown, the ability to draw and create, or a skill for math. These things are part of our biological makeup and each unique character trait we treasure as our own and wear with pride. We also like to fit in, be part of the group.
We want to think and feel like our neighbors,and find comfort in this familiarity.

Its funny how the uniqueness of a blue eye is embraced, and a gorgeous shade of red hair is often sought after, take a look at the hair dye isle if you need proof. We are told to embrace your inner beauty, be yourself, set yourself apart from the crowd, walk to the beat of your own drum. Leaders never followed the group the stepped outside of the box. Yet Down syndrome or any other sort of similar uniqueness is still considered to be a mistake,a biological accident, a bad thing. You rarely hear Down syndrome thought of as a biological wonder, or a chromosome enhancement.

Why? Who sets the standards, who is to say what is not typical . Gorgeous auburn hair is not typical but someone decided that it is good, but almond shaped eyes are not. Who decides what intelligence is, are you smart because you have perfect grammar, or because you can sense the feelings of others with out words. Is intelligence based on what you can achieve or how you love the people around you. When standards are set and ideas become the norm, then danger is usually close behind. Take a look at our history, what has happened when people try to perfect a society, where blond hair and blue eyes were considered the only form of perfection. This equals danger. Don't think we are not here, major corporations like Etsy refuse to remove greeting cards insulting people with Down syndrome, they claim this does not violate their no hate speech policy.In our society it is not ok to be racist or anti-Semitic , but the differently abled, they are fair game.

I did not mean for this post to go this way my fingers have sort of taken over. Ive had a week where this concept has been challenged in a few places, and I'm getting all warrior advocate momma on ya. Life is a blessing and every different little beautiful part of it. Step out of your box, move past words like typical and normal, start embracing words like different and special. Having a child with Down syndrome is a blessing, and i never knew i was missing out on so much, so much light, so much love, so much deep inner soulful intelligence. The only thing that makes it hard is society, and the rule makers. They make Down syndrome hard they make my daughters life hard, not her, not her extra chromosome. Take the rule makers out of the picture and what we really have here is perfection.
I love you my little Rozie just the way you are from the moon and back a million billion trillion times over.

Not bad , just happy

I recently gave a talk to a group of women about the subject of happiness and dealing with adversity, and i thought it went very well. I had a lot of positive feedback but one little tiny comment caught me off guard and i wasn't sure what to say because i was a bit taken back. I let it mull over a bit and here it is...

Someone questioned my happiness, they felt pity for me and said that i have a very sad life. Wow that was a doosey. A sad life? Then i got to thinking i bet many of you read my stories here and listen to my words and think , nebach, that poor thing.
Life has many choices , we spend most of our life making them. What to eat, what to wear, how to behave, who we are and the mark we choose to make in this world. In my life i have chosen happiness. Sometimes things get hard, real hard, but those are moments and not life defining. Scary doctors and headaches are not great , but as the great Lubavitcher Rebbe said , nothing is bad, just some things are not good.

It kills me to think that people look at my family and see my daughter's little face and her tiny little hands and perfect little blue almond eyes, and only feel sadness for us. Please don't, if we could go back in time and change anything about her, it would be nothing. Not one single thing, she is just too perfect. I know that is hard to understand for some, because you are not in my shoes but trust me if you borrowed my sparkle ballerina flats for the day, you would see, Down syndrome is so so so amazingly awesome.
As for my health i have searched to also find good in this, and i have. My health and its uncertain future, has made me stop. Literally stop and enjoy life. Honestly since i have been diagnosed i have never experienced so much joy. Things like having a perfectly clean house became a lot less important, and things like evening nature walks, and morning time dance routines became a lot more important. What makes me so sad is that i had to get sick to realize this. So many years i have wasted. If any of you take anything from what i write here please don't let it be pity, let it be life.Enjoy each day each second, don't waste one more minute fretting over the things that really don't matter.There is a whole world out there waiting to be enjoyed, you don't have to be sick to do that, you can open your eyes today and realize life is good, so good.

Shabbos, Shalom

Here I am and hour and a half before Shabbos and i can not settle my mind. I have had a week, to say the least. I have had back to back doctor appointments. Rozie will need to have a small procedure because of her hospital stay and infection the doctors are a bit worried. I thought i was going to throw up when they told the news. I also had a hard visit to my hematologist/oncologist. They gave me news that i didn't want to hear or face. My blood continues to look good my levels are stable and that is good, but the doctor made it clear to me that sometime in my life i will need treatment, which means chemo. I knew this but i just hated to hear it, me the tough one, me the ball of energy, me the force in this little house, will be taken down by a chemical pumped into my veins. How will i do it how will i take care of my three babies, how? This isn't in my immediate future but the doctor scared me he said it could be in a year 5 yrs even 25 yrs, there is not science to it, one day your blood is stable one day it is not. How do i live like this? In the fall i was having strange symptoms, my face one day was numb. I wrote a lot in that time about not feeling well here. I did not let onto what, but i was feeling pretty bad. The doctors were worried that this form of CLL traveled to my brain. I guess in 3% of CLL patients this can happen. I know your thinking 3% that's nothing, but i am constantly a rare statistic, this is just my life, even the CLL itself is a rare statistic because it is most common in men over the age of 60. Last time i checked i did not fit that target market. The doctors wanted to do a spinal tap and see what was going on, but because my blood doesn't work right, they had to do a million tests on my blood before they did a spinal tap. Are you guys following me here. In this time frame the numbing went away thanks to an amazing local Doctor of Osteopath, and the spinal tap was canceled. When i went for my most recent appointment my doctor told me all about the brain statistics and the chemo, i walked out of the office with a numb face again, and i completely convinced myself that the CLL is in my brain. Here i am a few days later and i have a headache and a numb face, a kid with strep, and a unhappy baby. Is it in my head has my stress brought it back or is cancer eating a away at my livelihood, G-d forbid. Right now i am breathing and i am listening to each breath and i am thanking Hashem for each puff of air that comes out.


I hear giggling in the upstairs, and discovered two little ones protesting their naps. I went to Target my favorite place and bought this. I think i needed it.

I am listening to my breathing again and i am counting to ten. I keep reminding myself that it is good and Hashem is in control, not the doctors. I am listening to each breath again and enjoying the quiet. I am alone because everyone is asleep and my husband is at work. I am breathing and listening again, each little sound each breath is calming my neshama. Everything will be good it is becoming a chant, everything will be good. Good Shabbos to my village, my friends, my family, my loves, may each one of you find your own Shalom this Shabbos.

Vintage cuffs

Sometimes i look around my home and i think someone must be leaving me love letters. Tiny shoes and tiny feet to match.

Blue eyes and vintage pant cuffs. Mini cakes and plastic cups with floating sparkles.

When i was engaged to my husband i told him i don't need romance and i don't need love letters, i just need love. I still don't need letters, i just need little picture perfect images and these are my love letters.

My husband's hat hanging until he gets home, this is a love letter to me.

I think its just who i am, pretty stuff makes me happy. I am a victim to my creative side and visual eye. I need to see it, i need to feel it, to really "feel" it.

I often smell my babies hair and whisper "I love you too" responding to sweet love notes written in that smell.

This is a week full of doctors appointments. Rozie and i have so many appointments that my calender looks a bit like a scribble pad. These are routine checkups, but i cant help to feel nervous. I wish i could conquer this fear, but the reality is doctors scare me now, i haven't had the best of luck lately. I am no longer a healthy patient in their eyes, i now have medical "history". I'm scared to tell the doctors anything. Because of my new history, every stuffy nose, every ache, every pinch that usually would be looked past, now turns into a series of tests and sometimes hospital visits. This is no way to live, because tests suck and hospitals suck even more, there are not love letters in hospital rooms. Just hospital walls and hospital artwork and hospital food and hospital soap and hospital smells. I know this week will be fine and i try to find good in this new journey i am on. I can just think of so much I'd rather be doing. Like eating ice cream on a cold night next to the radiator, or creating morning time dance routines with my favorite baby rock stars. Ugh I'm ready for next week already.