Saline mints

We went to the zoo this Sunday to bask in the decent weather. Lift my nose to the sun and breathe in the rays.

I needed to see my little ones faces as they peeked around the corners to see what animal was next.


We brought our friend Sara with us. A friend that will hopefully move into our little Shtub to help this mommy out.

Tomorrow is a treatment day for me. I go for these treatments every sixty days. Sort of like a maintenance therapy. They just want to make sure i am healthy and that i stay healthy. So i go in let them pump some scary stuff into my system for six hours, and hope my white cells behave. I will do this for 2 years, every sixty days. Really its not much of an inconvenience and i try to make the best of this situation. I get comfy in my chair pile on some blankets, get my Ipad out, and relax for 6 hours. Ok so i at least try to relax. This has been my new mountain to climb. Relaxing around doctors. Usually it goes like this. I go for some monthly blood work and as I'm waiting for the results my heart starts to race and i start to panic. Needless to say the heart monitor I'm attached to goes crazy and i end up spending a few extra hours in the hospital while the doctors monitor my heart to make sure i am not having another underlying condition. What is such a bummer is i bring this on myself. My blood work appointment should actually take about half an hour but because of my new found doctor fear i takes a lot longer. I hate this and it has been taking over my medical life.

I get anxiety when i take the kids in for well checks and actually have been avoiding some important check ups Rozie needs. My anxiety has taken over, and it is not for without reason. I always saw myself as shatterproof, nothing like that would happen to me, and now the hard reality is I'm not. My security blanket in life has been taken away, my safety net. I have never feared doctors, hospitals, or blood work, now just the smell of Sinai hospital makes me sway. This is not working well for me. I go to Sinai at least once a month, and collapsing over its smell is not the way to make a grand entrance. " I'm here!" plop. Things have to change. I have to let it go and accept. I have to know that whatever the doctors tell me i can handle. Shoot I've handled a lot already. I also have to realize and accept that not every doctor visit will result in a new c-word diagnosis for myself, and G-d forbid my kids. We will continue to have rashes, stuffy noses, fevers and coughs, and those are just that stuffy noses, fevers, rashes, and coughs. I hate that my safety net has been removed, but just because its gone doesn't mean that i cant still land on my feet.

Tomorrow i will walk in armed and standing tall. I will bring an extra cozy blanket and a few mints so i don't have to taste the saline flush through my port.I refuse to let this take me down mentally and physically. Hashem has already been so kind and lifted so much of my burden. I hope now i can lift mine and just trust him.

The Tantrum Whisperer

I'm sitting here Thanksgiving day in a very quiet house. I can hear the hum of the washer, and i can smell the fabric sheets that are twirling in the dryer. My Rozie is asleep and my husband and Dovie are getting bagels.

This quiet at times is all i need to settle my mind and rest my spirit, but other times this quiet can eat away at my spirit and force my brain to do the dryer sheet dance. I like the noise i like the sounds that my house creates i take my energy from it.

I recently lost my voice for about two weeks, and it is not 100% back. I caught a little bug that took my voice and gave me a cough in its place. Now when i say i lost it i seriously lost it. There was nothing there, not even a scratch. This became quite a phenomenon in our house as simple things i do on a daily basis became impossible.

Morning singing and davening weren't the same in lip sync form. Giggles and tickles were silent puffs of air. It all became almost surreal. I am the talker, the mover, and shaker of this house. I lead my troops with a strong voice directing my family into life,"you, solider, boots and back pack on, and you mini solider, find me your shoes, double time!" These words were no longer, and instead i became primal, almost child like.

I stated grunting and signing, and a lot of banging. If i was upstairs and i needed something i couldn't give a quick yell "Charles could u please bring me my brush." Instead, i would bang on the wall until he realized that sound meant "mom in need." Then with an array of gestures and mouthing of words my desperate husband would figure out that all those gestures, grunts, and bangs meant brush. I bet he is regretting not watching the Signing Times videos now. The whole situation was getting out of control.

Then something happened i started to notice our home shift. The quiet in my voice became a new quiet in our home. The kids stared whispering back to me. "Mommy can i please have something to drink" in a quiet whisper. What was strange is i already knew this trick. I know that when my kids meltdown its best to whisper to them. My calm brings their calm. That trick is old skool in this house.

When Dovie and now Rozie start to have one of their toddler/ preschool moments, i usually whisper in a calm voice "i understand you are upset but you must calm down before we can work it out." Then in the same whisper i count " 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." This is my magic trick, my tantrum whisper. Hey does that make me the Tantrum Whisperer? So how would i not know that my daily whisper would also bring a new calm to my home.

My voice has come back now but its still scratchy, but i kind of like it. My house is back to the normal hustle and bustle and i love it. I love the voices and Dovie's non stop singing. I love the pitter patter, jumping, and running. I drink this energy up like coffee. But i also miss my weeks of whispering. It gave me a rest i needed to get my voice back and fight my unwanted bug. Maybe mommy will lose her voice again, one day.....

Belly Dancing!

I know we all say this, but seriously how did time fly by so fast? How did my little newborn boy turn five. I can still remember being pregnant with him like it was yesterday.

Sitting in Shul the size of a whale watching my stomach shake like jello as my wild child never stopped movin. I shouldn't had been so surprised when he came into this world with a bang and has never stopped , not once.

My little guy walked at 9 months. Was running by a year, and climbing tall buildings by two. He keeps us laughing all night long, and running after him all day long.

Every day i look into his big blue eyes the color of the sky, and fall in love over and over again.

The little one we waited so long for, the little one we needed more than water, the little one that broke the cycle of sadness with his belly dancing.

Happy 5th Birthday my sweet angel boy, we needed you and your energy , you woke us all up!


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Dovie is the Lego master just like his big brother,so when i asked him what we were doing for his Birthday it was obvious. A Lego Party!

1. Lego Cupcakes with Leggo face toppers
2. Lego candy pieces: Candy Blox - 11 Lb Case
3. Fruit Cups: Chopped up fruit in individual portions, perfect for little hands
4. Popcorn with melted chocolate on top, and multi colored lentils
5. Paper snack cups: Regency Pack of 24 Tulip Standard Baking Cups, White
6. Huge Lego head centerpiece: Blip Toys Lego Sort And Store


To make the large Lego display. I covered tissue boxes with paper and cut the bottom of a plastic disposable cup off and covered with coordinating paper to make the circles on top. So easy and cute!

We played games, including a Lego search. We hid the pieces and they searched so much fun and so simple. I gave prizes to everyone!


We played it a few times because they loved it so much.

Mazel Tov Sweet Boy!

(BTW Dovie picked out his Birthday "look" including the fake glasses and rain boots, gotta love this kid!)

Thinking inside the box

Meal time is a struggle in our home.Everyone likes different things. One wants it cut this way the other cut that way but with no sauce. I often feel like a short order cook." Ok you ( flipping my knife in the air) how do you like it, small pieces, well done, over easy, and what about you mushy or crispy, hold the dressing?". My oldest was my first picky of all picky eaters i think he ate three certain foods through his formative years. Luckily his teen hunger has taken over and his pickiness is trumped by the need to clear out all the food in the fridge and pantry in one seating, and still be the skinniest kid on the block.

My Dovie is now the champion of food strikes. Words like gross, disgusting, and good ol yuck, were so common in his vocab that one of his teachers taught him to say, its not my taste. This is more polite , but it still breaks this Jewish mother's heart when every meal is joined with a sweet little voice saying "its not my taste". I needed to find a solution, honestly i just needed to get some food in this kids stomach. I started feeding him garbage, pure junk food, because at least he wasn't running on empty. This was not a solution and hard on my good parenting soul.
Then i had an idea....

There are a few foods Dovie will eat. For some reason he likes veggie sushi. He also likes peanut butter and honey sandwiches ( dont ever bring jelly around this kid). He likes apples as long as they are cut up, and he likes the kid basics: cheese, crackers, pizza,chips, and chocolate. I decided i was going to make his lunches with his healthy versions of his favorite foods in a small less overwhelming package.

I decided to go Bento style, the Japanese way of packing meals, and it worked . He came home from school for the first time ever with an empty lunch box. He told me he loved his lunch and ate every bit of it up. I couldn't believe this worked and ever since i have been devoted to making him his little lunch packages.
What i use..
1.LunchBots Pico Stainless Steel Lunch Container
2. Silicone cupcake liners, bought at TJMax, or Wilton 415-9400 Easy Flex Silicone 3-Inch Reusable Baking Cups, 12 Count
3. A really sharp chopping knife. Like Kuhn Rikon 4-Inch Nonstick Colori Paring Knife, Set of 3
I wouldnt even waste your time with another brand, seriously i love my knifes.
4. Small cookie cutter shapes

I know you are looking at these pics and saying there is no way i can do this. Trust me you can. I am not a fan of the kitchen i would eat out any day, but somethings are more important. I one day made the choice to feed my children in a healthier way. Sometimes to accomplish these things you have to think outside of the box, or step inside one. Who knew?

My Jewish heart now rests easy knowing my little guy has enough fuel to get him through the day.
* Edited... i am adding some more info here on how to pack this kind of lunch instead of emailing everyone back. I hope that is ok? The two most common questions i have gotten are "How do you keep from everything sliding around" and " Why is plastic not safe"?
1. The trick to keep from everything mixing is packing everything very tight and all the way to the top. I use the silicone liners to keep everything even snugger. I make sure everything is packed all the way to the lid. This help with the sliding. If you notice i put the cucumber salad in a tiny tuperware ( i am still trying to find a non-plastic version). I put its own lid on ( not pictured) before i put the boxes main lid. My son had complained a few times that the dressing leaked onto his other food, so i started using the tupperware to prevent leakage.I also put the box in a upright lunch box, but i assume there has been some moving in transport. When i first started doing this i would check when we got to school and as long as i packed it tight it was good.
2. Why no plastic? Plastic has toxins that can leak into food. You can read more about it here. We are not completely plastic free, but i try including using glass bottles for Rozie when she was a baby.

Home is where?

I'm back from Florida and i have to admit i was a little down to come home. This summer girl was in Florida weather heaven.

I came home to cold, windy, and wet weather. I wanted to grab my kids run back to the airport while yelling we'll see you on Shabbos to my husband, trust me i was tempted.

Luckily home is full of warm things i do love. I missed my bed , even with that one darn spring that keeps popping up.

I love the little faces that live in this home. It doesn't mater if it is rain or shine when you have two little lights running around spreading their little rays wherever they go.

While i laid awake in the night feeling that strange this is not my bed kind of feeling, i realized that i want my home to be where my kids are where my family is, and for now that is in Baltimore.

With its cold weather and warm friends. With its leaves that pile up quicker than you can blow them away.

With its cloudy gloomy days, and its sunny days that make the orange, yellow, and red trees flare up like a fire against the blue sky.

This is my home.
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I want to thank North Miami Beach N'shei for hosting me and putting on such a wonderful event. Your community is a such a warm friendly place it made coming home hard.