Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Is 2012 gray?

We all struggle trying to find our place in the world. I know personally i am always on the search. Where do i stand, how do i feel about that, what am i allowing in my home. We all do this and it doesn't matter if you are religious, secular, or just whatever, we all search. This concept starts to creep up in my life even more when the holidays also creep up. I'm constantly trying to find my barriers and my lines. What do i feel comfortable with and what has stepped over the line.
I love lights and all the homes decorated in the beautiful sparkles, but as a religious Jew do i take my children on a tour to see the lights? I don't know. These colorful lights have become my gray. I think things like this become even more gray when there is no religious significance to the holiday, such as 4th of July or New Years.
Do i celebrate and pop open a bottle of kosher champagne? Kiss all my loved ones as we ring in 2012? I don't know. If i had the answer to this i think it would bring ease to a lot of us. The problem is this, there is nothing bothersome to me about the New Year accept for the fact that i celebrated it a few months ago. Not only did i celebrate Rosh Hashana( the Jewish New Year)with festive meals and wonderful company, but i internalized it, i davened from my heart, i pleaded with Hashem for a better year. I shook with emotion and tears, as the Shofar was blown. How do i go from this to watching people get drunk as a large ball drops from the NY sky. I wish i had an answer. To be honest i didn't even know it was New years.
This year it landed on Saurday night. We had guests and a full house Shabbos day ( Saturday) and also Shabbos was Hey Teves, because of these reasons New Years just wasn't on my mind. I didn't realize until i opened up Facebook, lol.
(This is Rozie and her Frienship Circle Volunteer check out our Baltimore Chapter here)
Another issue i have is the fact that i use a Hebrew calender. I can tell you my kids Hebrew birth dates but when the pharmacist asks me for the English dates i draw a blank. This is just my own personal issue, my brain has the ability to only store so much and two birth dates is more then my brain can handle. Along with remembering that Dovie and Rozie are actually Nechama and Avrum ( their first names) and when the doctor calls out such names i should respond.
Hebrew Birthdays are important to me simply because this is the day that Hashem celebrates your bithday and i like to celebrate along with him by giving extra tzedaka, taking on a new mitzvah, and learning more Torah.
So what do i do? How do i find my place as a religious Jew in the secular world. I think the best answer in these situations is feel it out. Setting things in stone with words like i would never or i always are not such a great idea, especially for gray areas. This year i didn't celebrate New Years, but i wanted to at least acknowledge that even though 5772 has been around for a few months, 2012 is also a significant.
12 things i would like to accomplish in 2012
1. Stay healthy and avoid hospital visits. 2011 was full of bad health, and im not interested in that for 2012
2. Visit my family on the West Coast. My family has been coming here a lot because of my health. This year im going there, actually next week!
3. Eat more fruit. I actually don't like fruit very much, but i really should be eating it.
4. Drink less soda, oh i love the stuff even though it is liquid poison
5. Try to just enjoy it all the good, bad, and the ugly, just love it
6. Dance more in the kitchen with my kids, actual hands in the air out of breath dancing!
7. Spend more time being crazy, i do this already but there is always room for more craziness
8. Be better at returning emails, phone calls, texts, voice mail, Facebook messages, and comments, and do it all while I'm running around being even more crazy
9. Say more no. I know this sounds weird but i say yes to everything, all things asked of me, and usually i burn out. This crazy girl sometimes needs to say no
10. I need to say I Love you to all i love about a 1000 times more a day
11. Travel Travel travel!
and now the big one..... the idea that turned into a hope to dream
12. I pray that in 2012 Hashem will bless us with a new baby in our home with a little extra chromosome like our Rozie. I dont know how or who or what or when. I just know i want this, actually need this. I also know that this baby will have to be born to another mother because my body can not carry a baby right now. I daven that somehow in 2012 Hashem will guide our family on a path to a little one that needs this crazy dancing loud family.
Happy New year loved ones, I love you all! Look at that I'm already working on goal number 10!

and who knows maybe next year there will be an awesome party i cant pass up.


schap said...

beautiful post!
good luck on your 2012 bucket list!!
*especially #12! :)

Aimee said...

ANY little munchkin out there would be so incredibly, over-the-top, absolutely lucky to be in your family. I can see it from here... Oooooh can I NOT wait to find out more!!!

I love reading your blog- the insight you give about your faith intrigues me so. I've learned so much from you! :)

Jawan said...

Sheva, My heart leaps when I read that you long for another little baby! I rejoice with you! You mentioned that the little one will probably have to be adopted due to your health.....have you ever heard of the adoption ministry called Reese's Rainbow? Go check them out now! You will fall in love, I promise!

JerusalemStoned said...

Dancing is always good. I always daven for more dancing in the kitchen while I'm cooking, in the living room while we're just living, and always in our hearts.

May 2012 be everything you want it to be!

Rachel P. said...

Hi Sheva, I'm a long time reader, first time commentator on your site. I am constantly inspired by you and your blog and have kind of fallen in love with your family as I have seen their pictures for the last year.
Just wanted to share with you that unlike July 4th, New Years actually does have religious significance historically even if now people just use it as an excuse to party.Check out this article:
It changed my perspective so that just like I like Christmas lights and Christmas carols, I need to remember that for so many years these "holidays" (Easter too) were always fear filled days for Jews to anticipate. I still go by the secular calendar for dates etc. but when I go move back to the states next year (from Israel) I will NOT partake in Jan 1st festivities!
Wishing you all the best!!!

David's mom said...

I know there are jewish asdoption agencies. I can't believe a lovely baby with a little extra wouldn't be looking for a great family some day. Hope this is your year. - adina

Happily Hectic said...

I love your blog and I love #6 on your list! My kids love it when we all dance together for no reason. Glad to hear I'm not the only one that does this...

Shoshana Z. said...

Dear Sheva,

The Jewish Children's Adoption Network is based right here where I live in Denver, CO. It highly recommend contacting them. The couple who runs this are truly amazing people and very well known and very respected in our community. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to facilitate things for you or be a Denver contact. :)

Our primary goal is to find Jewish homes for Jewish children. We have worked on over 1,000 cases over the past eleven years, and charge no fees for any of our services, which include helping a birth family parent a child, locating resources for help with personal problems or coping with a child's limitations, helping an adoptive family find resources for adoption or parenting, helping biological and adoptive triad members in getting a search started.

Our statistics show that of the children referred to us, fewer than 15% are "healthy" infants.
The remaining 85-90% include:
infants and children who are developmentally disabled
infants and children with moderate to severe physical disabilities
infants exposed to drugs or alcohol in utero
children with a family history of mental or emotional illness
children with severe emotional disturbances, and victims of abuse or neglect

Chana said...

Beautiful post! As usual. Love your hit list. Can't wait to read about them happening for you.

Keshet said...

I also wrestle with these things--such a challenging topic. Love your heartfelt post and wishing you good health and many brachos this year, both Jewish and secular.

Sheva said...

Thanks for all the comments.
Rachel P. i did know about this and listened to a 40 minute audio on it and here is what i said on the MyShtub FB page in response...
This article makes very good points. This is what i was talking about as a gray area. Do we only follow a Hebrew calender because the calender that the rest of the USA and many other countries use is the Gregorian calender which is linked to lots of yuck stuff not just New Years, or do we move on and not let the negative history of our past take over our current lives? I was thinking about it and i bet we could find something negative about everyday of the week and what the Germans or any other anti-Jewish group did to us on those days. Tuesday death days, Wednesday death marches, you get the point. Also how many generations does it take for things to be ok again and we can all move on r do we continue to give power to the garbage of our past. When will it be ok to buy a VW bug or a BMW when will our hearts settle , maybe never. As i said in my post its something im trying to work out and really dont have the answers and maybe next year ill feel different. Thanks for the info it was really food for thought.

Sheva said...

Shoshana Z.:
I do know of this agency and spoke to them in the past. I think our biggest rode block at this point is my physical health, if you have any more info that maybe can help please email me

patricia said...

love love love your post! I support your 12 of 2012!

Anonymous said...

Sheva, have you seen this? The boy could be a male twin for your Rozie!

Warning: there's a lot of other shtus on that website.

EN said...

Praying that number 12 happens soon! How heartwarming...just when it seemed your family couldn't be more beautiful...that is one lucky little one coming your way! If you have any questions about adoption, email me!

Team Lando said...

Beautiful words, beautiful pictures, beautiful bucket list!

Anonymous said...

Hey, I love love love your blog. And I think your family's the cutest! I was just wondering what kind of Nikon you use and how it works for you. I've been saving up to buy a Nikon dslr for over a year, and i want one that fits.You are truly inspirational!

Linda said...

I got the goosebumps when I read that you are praying to adopt a baby with an extra chromosome to adopt this year. I will be praying with you! We are in the process of adopting a baby with an extra chromosome- it will be final in March.

Have faith, it will happen!