Sunday, January 8, 2012

Ocean hoping through age

One day i looked in the mirror, actually i looked at a picture and it just didn't look like me. I looked different, and i looked well....old. I know i know i don't look old, but something about my face is changing. I cant actually pin point it. I can't say oh i have more wrinkles here or deeper lines there. I just look different. I am lucky to come from a family that ages later then most, but later aging is still inevitable aging.
(mind you these pics are highly edited)
I have never looked my age and i always attributed that to part genes and part personality, but my personalty isn't getting me out of this change. I wish i could figure out what it is because im sure there is a cream for it, but im not sure what cream to buy. They don't make a cream for ladies pushing forty who just look different. I don't know, i blame part of this sudden change on the chemo and the rest on my age. Sooner or later im going to look completely different and i will barely recognize myself. It happens to all of us and no cream or serum is invented yet to bring back your disappearing self. No matter what you inject, nip and tuck you cant go back to this
Now i could dye my hair like this again, but the skin will never again look like that.
This is a new stage in my life a new form of acceptance. I need to accept that my face has damage from chemo the poison shows through my skin. I also need to accept that i am no longer that twenty year old girl with the curly headed blond baby under my arm, that baby is almost 17. I am working on it, but acceptance of oneself to me is the hardest mountain to climb. Don't you think?
I want to let everyone know so you don't worry. I am going on a jet plane this time for real. I am taking a well needed vacation to visit with family in California. I will be gone over two weeks and cant guarantee a blog post in between. My parents version of computer software, is a cozy soft outfit to wear while trying to figure out that darn internet. Honestly i don't know if I'll even have time between ocean hoping and Disney trips with the kids, but ill check in here an there on the Facebook page.
Make sure you like MyShtub on Facebook because if you cant find me here im always there.


one_plustwins said...

There is beauty in the aging of a Jewish woman's soul...her face glows differently, her heart shines warmly, her love works harder, her fierceness deepens for her family.

You're good, and beautiful, Sheva.

shevi said...

enjoy your trip and well deserved vacation have fun with the kids look forward to hearing from you when you returnYoure a beautiful lady in everything you do

Shoshana Z. said...

Have a great trip!

JerusalemStoned said...

I older I get, the further I travel from angsty 18. And that's a good thing!

Let's embrace our wrinkles--we earned 'em!

Anonymous said...

Sheva, to good health! Have a nice break, allow yourself to be pampared. And nothing like a good amount of antioxidants to get rid of horrid chemo effects (speaking from experience). You've written before that you dont like fruit, what about freshly home made smoothie? One with loads of beetroots, carrots, apples, oranges and other goodies loaded with magic antioxidants? They are certainly better than any wrinkle cream with the plus that they will support your body in the detox process. Adding a bit of spices like fresh ginger or cinammon will make them even more delicious.
Have fun with your family.
Be Blessed!

Deb said...

I am turning 40 in just 2 weeks and have been pondering aging lately myself. Many people tell me I "don't look 40" so I hold on to that.

Edited or otherwise I see nothing but beauty in your photos! Enjoy some time off!

Anonymous said...

Having been through chemo, and getting the cruddy skin, start by drinking lots of water and add a multi vitamin to your regimen. as far as face creams etc. Noxzema and Oil of Olay are your friends. Use the Noxzema ala a cold cream put on face let sit for 5 min, wipe off with tissue and once a week "scrub" with a wash cloth. Liberally use the Oil of Olay after the Noxzema at night and then a little more in the morning. It helps with the "chemo face"

Faygie Fellig said...

take a break we will be here waiting for you. don't worry.
you look beautiful BTW! Chemo, Shmimo, you are aging as well as you can possibly be. did you hear yourself - your son is 17! 17!!!!
you look amazing K"H till 120....

Chaya said...

Great pictures! Are those your brothers? I think I went to Hebrew school with the older one. Temple Emanu-El?

Chaya said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yael Aldrich said...

I think you (and your kids, especially Rozie) have a beautiful and gorgeous face -- I don't know you IRL so I'm not shining you on!

Anonymous said...

What model camera do you have?
I <3 ur blog, u have a gourgeous family!

Lexi said...

I hope that when I'm your age I will look half as good as you. I'm not just saying that either.

I LOVE your wedding dress. It's perfection.

Bethany said...

Hey! Just wanted to let you know I added your blog to the families list at Real Life | Down syndrome. :) A few of us are trying to reactivate this site I created awhile ago ... let me know if you do NOT want to be listed! :) Thanks!