Wednesday, February 1, 2012

My little brown town

Here i am sitting in my home that always has a chill to it no matter how high the heat is on. Its 60 degrees out today, but my house still feels like it is thirty. I know this has more to do with needing to replace the windows and its age, old homes are just drafty.
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I'm wishing i was sitting on the beach right now or drinking coffee on my parents deck looking out to the ocean. I think my trip was too much of a weather tease and it made coming home harder then i thought it would be.
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Our plane landed home and it had snowed, but the snow was melting to a brown slush. The air was tight and cold and there was not one ounce of green, just brown, and i started to cry.
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I wish the weather did not dominate my life as much as it did, but when you come from a mild climate where the weather is either warm or hot, it is hard to adjust.
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(my brother)
When i got to California i got sick. My doctor says my weakened immune system can not handle the airplane.
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(Dovie took this picture)
My last plane trip to Florida resulted in a deep rooted cough that kept me up most nights, and lasted for 2 months. This time i got a sinus infection to top all previous sinus infections i regularly get, and strep throat.
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I have actually never had strep throat as an adult and let me tell you this is no take some antibiotics and it will get better, this is a full fledged infection. I'm talking bone pain, ear pain, mouth sores, and a locked jaw. I ate nothing and cried to my husband on the phone that this was the most painful thing in the world, and i wasn't exaggerating.
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It took two different antibiotics a trip to the emergency room and some steroids to bring this bad boy down, and i honestly i just stared feeling back to myself yesterday. Now here is the strange part, ok not so strange, but i would do it all again just to have warm weather and the beach.
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(my mom)
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(and my dad)
My mom commented that i was such a trooper through my medical ordeal, but palm trees and ocean sunsets can bring the trooper out in anyone. Dead trees and brown slushy snow/mud just don't bring on trooper mentality.
It brings on a "i'm not leaving my bed and you cant make me" mentality. So what is this girl to do?
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( my niece Chloe, is she not stunning?)
I wish i had an answer, i wish my husband could work in the west coast, but he cant. I wish i could adapt, but i have tried and so far i cant. I just feel like if I'm going to deal with infections, with illness, with a low immune system, why cant it be on the beach?
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( her big sister Sophia, again gorgeous, i do not see these girls enough!)
Is that asking for too much? I know it sounds a little spoiled.
I need to make a choice. I can accept where i live. I can accept that the people here are wonderful and the community is my support system that i wouldn't know what to do without. I can accept that i have made lifelong friends here that i love with all my heart. I also need to daven, i need Hashem to help me with this choice to accept, because i have been put here in this little brown town for a reason.
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I often wonder if i would appreciate the ocean, the desert, the weather as much without this life lesson. I know spring will be here soon and the green will work its way back in. I also know that forever is a long time and living here now doesn't mean forever.
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Well i guess i could always buy a summer home, i know i know the spoiled coming out again.

---------------------------(this line is me changing the subject)----------------
I was wondering if you could all take a minute and vote for my son's school. This school is close to my heart because i was one of the founders and had a vision for a cheder here in Baltimore. That little basement beginnings they talk about in the video, well that was my basement. I left the school when i had Rozie and chose to devote my time and energy to her needs, but it still very close to my heart. Thanks!
Check it out. I just rated [How parents help our Cheder grow!] on the Day School Video Academy Awards. #JDSVA #jed21

7 comments :

Shoshana Z. said...

Sorry that your trip included such a parsha of being not well. Hashem should bless you with wellness from now on. I hope the sunshine and family time will be a good consolation throughout the rest of the east coast winter.

I loved the video about your cheder. I fell in love with your little brown town several years ago when I visited for a Jewish homeschooling conference. My husband and I spent a full year non-stop trying to get there. Especially as you have a yeshiva for older boys as well. But it was not meant to be. You are so right that Hashem has us sprinkled out just where we are supposed to be, even though we sometime wish otherwise. Maybe we would have been neighbors and good friends. So at least I'm happy to have found you and your inspiration on-line! :)

tobey said...

this little brown town needs your color woman... so man up ;). a) our apt. is also freezing, even when it's warm outside. i have no clue why. b) thanks for the beautiful pics. i have never lived in such a place... only south & east & israel. but our mohawk-clad bestie in san fran even considers moving to baltimore... for the people. c) you're doing great things for this town... so thanks! wish we could have you guys out for a shabbos or something over here... y'all walk that far?

mina said...

those pictures take the cake -INCREDIBLE!!! I hope you were able to enjoy some sunshine in good health and enjoy your family too. ps - GORGEOUS nieces and nephew too kah!

Nechama said...

Oh, I can relate to those split-up home sick feelings.
Plague me all the time. I try keeping busy to avoid the onslaught. Other times I don't visit because it's too hard to recover from the sense of loss when I leave.

Faygie Fellig said...

Oh the challenges Hashem gives us! Keep it up girl. What else can one do?!?

Anonymous said...

Just a tip that might work: my mom claims that to prevent colds when flying, dab some Vaseline under your nose (and around and on your nostrils). This keeps the moisture in (generally when flying, the air is recycled and dry, and when the nose is very dry inside, one is more susceptible to catching colds). Cant hurt to try!

Anonymous said...

Whenever "Baltimore Brown" gets to be too much for me, I head to Valley View Farms on York Road in Cockeysville. The greenhouse is toasty warm and filled with life!