I know i promised more beach pictures, but the first day of school happened. Mel went back to Yeshiva, Dovie started kindergarten, and Rozie started preschool. I wrote more about the first day here.
Its been three days now since i sent my little chicks on their way and honestly im not doing very well. I know it will get better, but for now it seams as if each day is getting worse. This momma hen is missing her nest. I had such a good summer and it came and went too quickly, now im all alone.
I went to Trader Joes today to get our weekly staples, and lost it right there in the store. I walked in and they were playing their usual disco ( why our Trader joes plays disco i have no idea), but as i walked through the isles i kept looking for my little Rozie. She insists on creating the best disco dance moves every shopping trip to TJs. Instead the only thing sitting in my cart was my pocketbook. For the most part i wallowed today. I sat in my driveway for a very long time,i did not want to walk into an empty house, i just couldn't handle it. I know many of you will email me and comment here about how time will heal, and i know it will, but for now time is not healing. Time is actually my enemy. As i write this im even looking at the time , how many more hours till i can pick my little ones up?
Its funny how it all works out. I think school is a challenge for all parents, and the challenge is all uniquely our own. I see mothers pealing crying children from their legs, standing outside of the class hoping he will settle down, so she can settle her own aching heart. I see parents wave to their sweet babies and skip and hop out of the school with hoot and a holler " I'm free!!!". Then there are parents like me. My little ones, and to quote the principal " are the opposite of separation anxiety." My kids do not cry for me , they do not hug my leg begging for one more kiss. Even my big guy needs to be reminded to call home from Yeshiva. My kids run to their teachers so fast leaving me in a cloud of school linoleum dust. They are happy and secure. I know i need to relish in this, but it hurts me. It is my personal parenting challenge. What if they dont want me anymore? What if they never come home again? I know its silly but when i am hurt I start to exaggerate.
We all struggle in parenting, this is my struggle . I cant let go, but I'm working on it.