Apple perfection

Last week Rozie was not been feeling well. A little stomach bug took over and she got dehydrated. It was so sad to see her lying around and my nervous heart took her to the doctor. She was fine,dehydrated and needed some fluids. In time she perked up. Once my worry subsided i decided to take advantage of this calm Rozie we rarely see.

 On Shabbos i brought her into my bed so i could keep an eye on her, and she rested her little head on my chest. I was in mommy heaven. Soon i felt her head become a little heavier and i realized she fell asleep. I couldn't believe it she never does this. My husband later asked me if I wanted him to move her and i mouthed the words "NOWAY!" This was a rare moment and i planned to devour it for all it was worth. I  stroked her little soft arms. I smelled her hair that always smells like apples. I touched her thin eyebrows with my fingertips. I relished this moment as long as i could.

 What i was not doing at that moment was thinking about her cognitive development. I was not wondering if she needs more speech therapy, less physical therapy, or vice verse. I was not dwelling on her fine motor skills or where she was placing her tongue when she says the word baby. I was not doing anything but enjoying her apple sent and weight on my chest. This is what parenting a child with Down syndrome is really like. Yes i juggle therapy appointments, and i worry about finding acceptance more than the average parent. I worry about sensory issues and cognitive development. I worry about gait and tongue placement. The worries can be never ending, but at the end of the day when my Rozie is snug in her big girl bed, i worry if  she is growing up too quick. I also worry if she wont need me anymore. I worry that the hugs are becoming too far and in between. I worry if other kids are being mean, because kids can be like that. I worry if i showed enough love,or did too many things frustrate me that day. I worry if she ate enough today, and if the lunchbox will be full again when she comes home.

 Parenting a child with Down syndrome, im not going to lie, can be challenging, but all types of parenting is challenging. Parenting a child with Down syndrome may also be different at times, and you have to readjust your expectations, but i think mine needed readjusting anyways. Parental love is not based on cognitive development and reaching milestones on time. Trust me when i tell you this, my child is the biggest star in my heart, and she often steals that star stuck heart of mine, just as much as her brothers do. I love her indefinitely , and walking at two and a half did not make me love her less.

So would i do it again? Would i give her a magic pill to make her "smarter", learn things quicker? Would i "fix" her face so she doesn't wear the mark that scares so many new,and seasoned mothers. Not in a million years. I would take her just as she is over and over again. I love and accept her that much. There is no magic pill that i would ever give her. She is so perfect, so absolutely perfect in her own special ways. That pill would only see the flush of my toilet.
This week she is feeling a lot better and is busy making tea parties for her 400 million baby dolls. She is also back in her own bed, but every once in awhile her busy little body runs past me and i get a whiff of apples and perfection.