Streching My Ballet Slippers

Today i did something i have been waiting three years to do. I walked into a store and bought the tiniest little ballet shoes for my big little girl. I took the box the the cashier and as she opened the box to ring them up i saw her sigh. " Do you remember your first ballet shoes" i asked? She told  me all about them. I told her i also remembered my first ballet shoes and my tap shoes. I would tie perfect bows with their ribbon laces, and i often wished i could tap around all day and night. I loved those little black shiny wonders. I was never a tap/ballet star, my mother actually was a child tap dancing star in the 1950s and 60s. I just loved the outfit, and the shoes. Well surprisingly enough some 35 years later the shoes have not changed and looked identical to my pink little leather beauties of my childhood.

I was reluctant to sign Rozie up for ballet because i didn't know how she would do. I know she can follow directions , but i worried it would be too much.  I went to our local JCC and spoke to the children's class coordinator and told her my fear. She was understanding and suggested we do a trial class to see how it goes. I dressed Rozie in her ballet gear and put on her new slippers, but honestly she was a bit confused. She didn't like the shoes and i realized i really didn't explain ballet to her . I just assumed it was part of her genetic female makeup to just know and love ballet. When we got to the class she perked up. She loves to do what other kids are doing so she joined right in. Now i being the protective mother bear stood on the side and watched, and honestly Rozie looked lost. I started to get worried. The teacher was talking about holding your thumb in and standing in first and second position. I didn't realize 3 yr old ballet would be so complicated and i started to feel like i might do a grab and run. All the other girls were putting their feet in perfect first postilion and my Rozie was kind of staring off into space. This is the special needs mother's nightmare. I felt like all eyes were on me. The bad mother that cant accept that her child with Down syndrome needs to be in a specialized class, and by me bringing her here i am just slowing the group down. I started to get sweaty palms and i snapped at Dovie to be quiet i had to figure this out. I wasn't sure what to do. Plan A.) I can plant Dovie in the corner with my IPhone and be like a little shadow for Rozie. Explain all the directions so the teacher wouldn't have to repeat for her. Plan B.) Apologize and leave. I felt tears and i realized i was about to have a full blown parental melt down...... then it happened. The teacher was once again calling out positions and i saw Rozie ever so slowly put her little tiny sweet wonderful feet into first position. I want to scream and yell, jump up and down, call in a marching band, make a parade. I realized the issue wasn't her. She was just confused and i threw her into this class without much explanation. It took her a little bit to catch on. I realized also at that point that i needed to helicopter parent on out of there and let her be. I took Dovie for some ice cream, and when we came back she was in full Rozie mode. She was running and doing pretty butterflies with her hands. She was pointing and flexing her toes. She was standing on her tippy toes doing perfect little spins. When we came home every other word was ballet. She showed her Tatty first position when he came home.

 This was a hard post to write because i doubted my little girl today. I was ready to give up because she wasn't performing to my idea of a perfect level. What she was doing was performing to her level, and i was not accepting that. She was soaking it all in making decisions and processing . I wanted to remove her, take away from her learning experience. All because it was taking her longer. I felt like i put my ballet shoes on for the first time today. I went to that class thinking i was a experienced ballerina, but i'm not. I'm still breaking my shoes in. Next week i'm sure the leather will have stretched a bit and they will feel better. I will get ice cream with Dovie first and just let my girl dance.