Relishing in stuffy noses

 I use to say the worst thing in the world is when mommy isn't feeling well. The entire house kind of crumbles, but Ive come to a new conclusion. Nothing is as bad as the entire house, Tatty included, not feeling well. I didn't know that level of crumbling even existed. With that all said i have to say that I'm secretly enjoying everyone going through this in my home. Believe it or not but it puts my worried mind at ease.

 When I'm not feeling well i start to worry. Do i need to call the doctor? Am i going to the hospital again? Will this ever go away? Are my blood counts looking bad again? I hound innocent oncology nurses to read me my numbers from my most recent blood work. I make them check an recheck. I call my doctor begging for answers. This is my fear taking over. I'm constantly worried.

 Then one of my children gets a fever, or hurls their lunch. I see them with their droopy eyes and a smile starts to creep up on my face. I often have to hold back. I know it sounds crazy to feel happiness when a child is sick, but a sick child is my relief button. When my kids are feeling bad then i know i have what they have, and its not my world crashing in on me again. So relishing in my child's illness is not one of my finer parenting moments, but i am no longer a typical parent with typical parenting milestones. I have different goals now. How many days after chemo can i drive carpool?
How quickly can i get out of bed and start making dinner again after a treatment gone bad. When will i be able to lift my groceries out of my car without help? When will i not be ready for bed by 2pm? When will i stop worrying about every sniffle my kids get, and if my immune system can handle it? These are my new parenting goals. I have new lines now and new levels of acceptance.
Now excuse me i just heard someone loose their dinner, and yes that may be a smile on my face, so be it.

Preserved suits

Today I'm feeling a bit better, enough to share some Pesach pics. Pesach was hard im not going to lie, i was worn out and tired and honestly I'm blaming my current ever sick disposition on Pesach right now. Every year i say we are going to a resort, and every year the thousands of dollars a Pesach resorts cost never appears. One year it will appear.
Even though though i was under the weather i have to admit it was a stunning out. So much so that i took this  bunch for a photo shoot. I want to have pictures to remember them forever in their crisp spring Yom Tov clothes. I know one day Dovie wont let me put him in John John suits, and Rozie wont let me put flowers in her hair the size of a hat, and Mel will laugh at his teenage fashion statements. I need those memories sealed and delivered, so even through sickness i will preserve them.

 

To my faithful readers

I'm sure most of you have noticed that my break has extended past Passover. I planned to make many blog posts in the last week but I have to be honest to all of you.......I'm not feeling so great. It's nothing huge but just small things that build up. Like a sinus infection that was never ending, and when it finally did make its exit a head cold decided to kick in. See my immune system is currently non existent and I can't seem to fight off all these little bugs most of us catch ona daily basis so for me a simple cold can put me in the hospital,and a sinus i fection can stay for months.I'm working with doctors and hopefully we will be doing some stuff to boost this system of mine. Till then I'm going to attempt a new style of blogging. I'm hoping to blog more often but with smaller posts. I hope it will hold all of you over and I don't lose any of you my faithful readers. Till then.....

Pesach break

Hi I meant to write this before ,but I'm taking a Passover blog break and will be back the week of the 16th. I didn't want anyone to worry. I'm hoping everyone is having a healthy, happy, and meaningful Passover.